Just Di

Saturday, October 6

home away from home

This is my radiation room, looks comfortable huh?

I'd have to say that the worst part about having cancer is the sadness you see in the eyes of the people that love you. I would do anything to take that away and keep it away.

I've always been good at secrets, but the one I can't keep, the one that no one who loves me will let me keep is one I most desperately wish I could.

Billy kept checking on me last night, and I layed on the bed and the look on his face as he opened the door slowly each time to poke his head in first was heartbreaking. It's like he was expecting to find me gone.

No one should have to live this way, the feel of death breathing on their shoulder like a cold wind, the prickle of air bringing goose pimples to your skin.

Good days, bad days, it's there... just waiting. Like a ticking clock, like a funeral procession.

So slow, it feels like time has stopped. I miss feeling youthful and free. Not knowing life at some point will be taken away by a disease I have no control of. I try not to live like I'm dying, I try and push it away like it's a common cold, a common anything.

1 out of 4 people will be diagnosed with cancer this year. The longer I live the more people around me are inflicted with it. Not the same, but some form of it. It hurts to think that someone I love will have to feel what I feel, think what I think, go through with what I've gone through with.

I wish I could punch the fucker who said "Life's not always fair."

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Saturday, October 06, 2007