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Just Di

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Friday, February 29, 2008 ~

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Thursday, February 28, 2008 ~

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Saturday, February 23, 2008 ~

"Love never dies a natural death.

It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.

It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.

It dies of illness and wounds;

It dies of weariness, of withering,

of tarnishing."

---Anais Nin

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Friday, February 22, 2008 ~

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Tuesday, February 19, 2008 ~

I finally couldn't hold it in any longer. I couldn't keep it locked away.

The flood gates opened and for the last 3 years I've finally come clean.

The longest, hardest secret to have locked in my heart

I used him, he used me. We needed each other to survive.

In the end, I guess I ended up with the knowledge that nothing

lasts forever. Gratitude can turn to a steel cage you lock yourself away in.

When you feel so unempowered. I saved you, you saved me.

I've given up all this time just for more time. More time in misery.

You were right, this was my choice. At the time I thought it was mercy

from heaven. Now I can only see it as my curse, my guilt ridden exsistence.

My guilt for living, for not dying slowly. My guilt for locking it away for so

long, for trying to make something real out of something out of pity and

the need for someones everything. I owed you for what you did for me,

I have my life, but isn't it my life? What else do I owe you or anyone else.

I didn't even want to have to owe anyone the truth.

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Tuesday, February 19, 2008 ~

tell me when my real life begins and when the nightmare is going to end...

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Monday, February 18, 2008 ~

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Monday, February 18, 2008 ~

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Sunday, February 17, 2008 ~

What doesn't kill us, is supposed to make us stronger.
If so, why am I so goddamn weak?
Why can't I heal this pain inside me, why can't I let!
Why can't I get over this?
Why can't I get through one day without thinking. Without seem
the numbers on my clock during the 3 o'clock hour?
I even see it in claim numbers and phone numbers.
I remember everything and go over bits and pieces.
I think about how things should have been so much different.
I guess I learned a lot more lessons than I ever thought I could.
I saw you in a stranger. I saw you riding down the highway.
My heart is so heavy in my chest when it's all said and done.
I think of what could have beens and it kills me how young
and stupid I really was. How shameful. I felt so intitled.
I read too many 100 page Harliquin novels.
I miss you more everyday. I can still see you when I close my eyes.
I dream of you, some good, some bad. But I can't make it stop,
and part of me never wants to forget.
I realize you never appreciate what you had for good or bad
until it's so frozen there's nothing you can do to thaw the ice.
It's sad, really... Life's choices, free well, no choice...
What can I say, sometimes lives aren't meant to be happy.
Sometimes there are other reasons a persons on earth.
Guess well find out in the end, huh.

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Monday, February 11, 2008 ~

It's been pretty hard lately. My body is finding it's limitations.
I'm anemic again and will have to go in and get platelets.
After all the surgeries and procedures. After all the scans
this is what we've come to. I found a fear.
Part of me is totally into blood drives and all the testing
of people to see if their bone marrow matches, it saves
lives, it saved mine but think about it, this is some strangers
blood. Some unknown donor.
I know it saves my life, I know it gives me energy and
I'm superwoman in the first 3 hours.
It's so scary... It's just so scary. I can't explain it.
I try not to even think about it, but it's always there in
the back of my head.
I wonder how long it's going to take to get over this?
The infinite question for a stolen life.
The things you have to do to stay alive, I hope no one
ever has to ever choose.
God works in mysterious ways. But that question is
still sitting heavy in my heart...
I would have lost the game either way.
I just wish sometimes...

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Sunday, February 10, 2008 ~

You don't go seven years with a whip cracking in your ear and then all of a sudden forget it was ever there. I'm finally glad I stuck around for so long. I finally get why she was so horrible to me.
I'm sure she didn't have to be so cybil-ish, but I'm sure she thought she was doing the best thing for me. It's kinda funny how I had to lose a close job and now drive 100 miles at 5am to get home at 5:30 or 6. A 3 hour drive home on Friday, to finally find happiness in a job I was born to do.
I've been told for the last 2 weeks just how wondering and valuable I am. My new nickname is the "Powerhouse" and I've made friends with my new unit. I already have a work husband. 2 actually but one is leaving for Wakefield. He just didn't like the commute, but at 25 with an actual young life, who would. I'm an old lady now. I'm 30. I can go to bed at 9 and it only interrupts which Law & Order I get to watch. It just really feels nice to feel as special as I always knew I was. To be told how talented and great I am without a hint of sarcasm. To be told I am a natural at something I was a natural at. Something I learned on my own.
Insurance, sounds so simple. You buy a car, you pay a broker,you get some coverage.
I never through I'd appreciate all I know about insurance and coverages and systems, and computers. I never realized that all those years of playing on a computer would be make me
so damn needed.
I heard the crack of the whip for 7 years, thank god. I wouldn't be so fucking awesome now!

Posted by GivnN2Temptation at Saturday, February 02, 2008 ~