<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d9397907\x26blogName\x3dJust+Di\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://givnn2temptation.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://givnn2temptation.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d1699725818958962433', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Previous Posts

Archives

Links


Powered for Blogger
by Blogger templates

Just Di

Wednesday, April 16
Opening my eyes



When I first found out:
It was a shock. I went through every stage of anger, grief, denial, hated... I dealt with it by myself and it seemed no one understood what was happening. I looked healthy. I was a semi-happy person. I chose to go alone than take someone who seemed to care for me in their own way. I didn't tell my mother for months. I researched everything I could. I never realized how hard it would be. Back then I thought it was no big deal. Who gives a shit, people live til their 80 with cancer.

What hurts the most:
It's a stigma. People wait to see how long it will take. Pity. Not being able to control my tears when I talk about it. The blood work that makes you look like a junky until there are no good veins left. The lack of privacy with your naked body. The way people look past you, not at you when they do a procedure. Spinals with strangers holding your hands. Chemo. Chemo. Chemo.
Waiting for your hair to fall out and hoping it skips you. People having a certain image of Cancer in their mind. The word Cancer. Having to tell anyone I have it, why I go to the doctors so much. Why I look so tired. Why I pass out at Shaw's with 3 bags of hoodsie cups in my hands. Doing dishes and ending up on the floor and not knowing how you got there. A small brain tumor because that's what Chemo can do. Joint pain like you were 90. Waiting til the last minute to take pain killers. Headaches that last for weeks that feel like your brain is exploding in your head. Blurry vision. Forgetting things. Thinking God might be trying to make me feel stupid for being vain about my intelligence. Steroid fat. Having to plan your funeral ahead of time. Signing at direction to pay so no one has to choose your casket or flowers while their dying inside and crying. To know the one you love will die. To knowing I will die. Hoping for 50 more years, but not with Cancer. Having to tell HR and my bosses. Having to tell my friends. Having to tell my family. People asking a billion questions after I just saw the doctor and still haven't computed all the information. The emotional days 24 hours later. Sitting behind the desk at the doctors decorated office while he tells you, you have a disease and he had no clue where it came from. Having them take 2 years to find it. Medicine. Pills, Pills, Pills. Shots, Shots, Shots. Bone marrow extraction. IVs. Having regrets about my past. Memories. Feeling like there so much I want to do.

Dreams... crazy

I want to touch a large elephant. I can't tell you why, but I want to see it up close and feel it's body.

I want to swim with sharks. If I had an extra 2000 I'd get to scuba and feed them on stakes with wearing a special chainmail shark suit. Hey, Mike Rowe did it.

I want ride on my back of a motorcycle without holding on, no helmet with the wind in my HAIR!

I want to relive one of the greatest memories... walking about Tweeter with backstage passes like we were the shit. See these great rockstars upclose, screaming inside but acting like they were just another person when they stood next to me. Dying for an autograph and never have the balls to ask because everyone always did that. Hanging back stage and meeting some really wonderful people. I want to do that again.

I want to ride a horse one last time. I want to see if I can remember all those lessons. I want to brush it and pick it's shoes and and re hay it's barn. Crazy huh?

I want to pick oranges or apples or wild flowers for a farm. I want to touch beautiful flowers and think about what a gift they are from God, how this little seed can make one of the most beautiful things in nature.

I want to not worry about germs, or bone marrow, or spinals, or doctors, or blood tests for just one day.

I guess that's alot of things huh? Dreams are just that, doesn't mean they always come true.
I just want everyone I've ever hurt to realize I was stupid, young and scared shitless of life that I now I wish I could have done some things differently. Back then I was a better talker than listener. I wish I thought how precious those days were and all those good memories are there for me always. And the bad, well I'm sorry. I wish I could take back the pain I've ever caused anyone or anything.

You don't really realize life isn't forever until it hits you in the face. No ones Superman. No one lasts forever. And life is always about just yourself, what you do, what you did, who you were.
Too bad it took me so long to realize just how precious every experience and event that would have seemed so stupid before is just so goddamn beautiful now.
call it a mystery...




Myelodysplastic Syndromes (MDS)
(Myelodysplasia, Preleukemia, Smoldering Leukemia, Subacute Leukemia)
Pronounced: My-e-lo-dys-plas-tic syn-dromes

Definition
Myelodysplastic syndromes (MDS) are a group of diseases that involve dysfunction of the bone marrow. Bone marrow is the tissue found within the bones; its task is to create mature blood cells from stem cells. In all forms of MDS, this normal cell-creation process is disrupted by the overproduction of clones of a single stem cell. This leads to a decrease in production of normal red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets.
There are five types of MDS. Some forms are more serious than others; all of them are serious enough to require a physician’s care. Thirty percent of people with MDS develop acute myeloid leukemia (AML). Leukemia is a cancer of the white blood cells and their parent cells. Many blood disease experts consider MDS to be a type of cancer.
Location of Active Bone Marrow in an Adult
Copyright © 2005 Nucleus Communications, Inc. All rights reserved. http://www.nucleusinc.com/
*
Causes

The cause of MDS is unknown, but research shows that certain risk factors are associated with the disease.
*
Risk Factors
A risk factor is something that increases your chance of getting a disease or condition.
The following factors are associated with a higher risk for developing MDS:
Family members with MDS or Fanconi anemia (Fanconi anemia is a rare type of anemia )
Exposure to large amounts of radiation
Exposure to certain chemicals, such as benzene
Exposure to pesticides
Radiation therapy and/or chemotherapy treatment for cancer
Smoking
*
Symptoms
Typically, there are no symptoms in the early stages of MDS. Later stage symptoms may vary from person to person, depending on how serious the disease is. Later stage symptoms may include:
Signs of anemia due to underproduction or red blood cells include:
Fatigue
Shortness of breath
Pale skin
Feeling weak and tired
Congestive heart failure (in severe cases)
Neutropenia occurs when there are inadequate levels of white blood cells. White blood cells fight infection. Signs of this condition include:
Fever
Cough
Frequent, unusual, or especially serious infections
Thrombocytopenia occurs when there are inadequate levels of platelets in the blood. Platelets stop bleeding by clotting the blood. Signs of thrombocytopenia include:
Bleeding easily, especially from the nose and gums
Bruising easily
*
Diagnosis
Your doctor will ask about your symptoms and medical history, and perform a physical exam. The symptoms for MDS can indicate many other conditions. Doctors have to rule out other conditions before diagnosing MDS.
Tests may include the following:
Blood test to check your red and white blood cell counts and platelet counts and to check how the blood cells look.
Bone marrow biopsy to check for MDS. A bone marrow biopsy is the removal of a sample of bone marrow for testing.
Your doctor may also order other tests to rule out other conditions.
*
Treatment
Treatment for MDS depends on your age, other medical conditions, and how serious the disease is. Treatment also depends on how far along the disease has progressed to AML. Often, treatment includes relieving the symptoms of MDS. Talk with your doctor about the best treatment plan for you. You may be referred to a hematologist and an oncologist. A hematologist specializes in blood diseases. An oncologist specializes in cancer. Treatment options include:
Blood Transfusion
If you have a low red blood cell, white blood cell, or platelet count, you may receive a blood transfusion. A blood transfusion is a treatment that involves receiving blood products (red cells, white cells, platelets, clotting factors, plasma, or whole blood) through a vein. The blood components may come from an unrelated donor, from a related donor, or may have been banked in advance by the recipient.
Antibiotics
If you have a low white blood cell count, you may receive antibiotics to fight infection.
Growth Factors
Growth factors help the bone marrow produce blood cells. The following growth factors may be used to treat MDS:
Erythropoietin (EPO) is a growth factor that helps the bone marrow produce red blood cells.
Granulocyte colony-stimulating factors (G-CSF) and granulocyte macrophage colony-stimulating factors (GM-CSF) are growth factors that help the bone marrow produce white blood cells.
Chemotherapy
Chemotherapy is the use of drugs to kill cancer cells. Chemotherapy may be given in many forms including: pill, injection, or via a catheter. The drugs enter the bloodstream and travel through the body killing mostly cancer cells, but also some healthy cells.
Stem Cell Transplant
Many doctors will only perform a stem cell transplant on a patient that is age 50 or younger. A stem cell transplant is a procedure in which healthy stem cells from a donor’s blood are injected into a recipient's vein.

Bone Marrow Transplant
Many doctors will only perform a bone marrow transplant on a patient that is age 50 or younger. A bone marrow transplant is a procedure in which healthy stem cells from a donor's bone marrow are injected into a recipient's vein.
*
Prevention
To help reduce your chances of getting MDS, take the following steps:
Avoid exposure to hazardous chemicals such as benzene
Don’t smoke or if you do smoke, quit
Reduce your risk for developing cancer:
Eat a balanced, healthful diet.
Stay active.
Maintain a healthy weight.
Avoid environmental and occupational risks.
RESOURCES:
American Cancer Society
http://www.cancer.org/
Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/
Myelodysplastic Syndromes Foundation
http://www.mds-foundation.org/
CANADIAN RESOURCES:
Aplastic Anemia and Myelodysplasia Association of Canada
http://www.aamac.ca/
Neutropenia Support Association
http://www.neutropenia.ca/
References:
Ableoff M, ed. Clinical Oncology. 4th ed. Philadelphia, PA: Elsevier; 2005.
Ableoff M, ed. Clinical Oncology. 3rd ed. Philadelphia, PA: Elsevier; 2004.
Cancer Prevention page. American Cancer Society website. Available at: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/PED/ped_1.asp?sitearea=PED. Accessed September 28, 2005.
Frequently asked questions about MDS page. The Myelodysplastic Syndromes Foundation website. Available at: http://www.mds-foundation.org/pdf/CEL411%20Factsht%20v8.pdf. Accessed September 14, 2005.
Goldman L, ed. Cecil Textbook of Medicine. 22nd ed. Philadelphia, PA: W.B. Saunders Company; 2004.
Hoffman R, Benz E, Shattil S, et al, eds. Hematology: Basic Principles and Practice. 4th ed. Philadelphia, PA: Elsevier; 2005.
Myelodysplastic Syndrome. Dynamed website. Available at: http://www.dynamicmedical.com/dynamed.nsf?opendatabase. Accessed September 13, 2005.
Myelodysplastic syndromes: a review for patients, families, friends, and healthcare professionals. Patient information page. The Myelodysplastic Syndromes Foundation website. Available at: http://www.mds-foundation.org/patientinfo.htm. Accessed September 14, 2005.
Myelodysplastic syndromes facts & statistics page. Leukemia and Lymphoma Society website. Available at: http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/all_page?item_id=55445. Accessed September 22, 2005.
Myelodysplastic syndromes page. National Marrow Donor Program website. Available at: http://www.marrow.org/PATIENT/myelodysplastic_syndromes.html. Accessed September 22, 2005.
Myelodysplastic syndromes: treatment page. National Cancer Institute website. Available at: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/treatment/myelodysplastic. Accessed: September 22, 2005.
Overview: myelodysplastic syndrome page. American Cancer Society website. Available at: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_2_1x_What_Are_Myelodysplastic_Syndromes_65.asp?rnav=cri. Accessed September 22, 2005.
Understanding myelodysplastic syndromes: a patient handbook. Patient information page. The Myelodysplastic Syndromes Foundation website. Available at: http://www.mds-foundation.org/patientinfo.htm. Accessed September 14, 2005.
Last reviewed January 2008 by Igor Puzanov, MD
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
Copyright ©
2008
EBSCO Publishing. All rights reserved.
Thursday, April 10
so why can't I stop ?

Saturday, April 5
Emotions that are not readily acknowledged or accepted, and instead are
denied or repressed, given rise to emotional dreams. These magnify your inner feelings in ways
that can be intense and uncomfortable.
Fears are confronted through nightmares, and common motifs are terrifying dreams of being attacked or pursued, or trapped with no apparent escape route.
Anxiety can spark dreams in which you are panicking about being late for a
meeting, or are amoung a crowd of people, and realize with horror that you are naked.
In times of stress, your dreams can provide an outlet for buried feelings, and can act as a sfety valve.
Feelings of frustration, anger, fear, or envy that you would prefer not to face are brought to your attention while you sleep.
Powerful emotions can bring about pleasant dreams as well, such as dreaming of a lover,
or being in a beautiful place
Hit Counter
Site Counter