Just Di

I used to love my job. I moved from a manager who hated me from day on for being smart and stuck it out for almost 7 years. When my office closed and we got the choice of leaving the company completely with severance and taking a new job 50 miles away I weighed my decision with a heavy heart and stayed with my company. Now almost a year later I wish sometimes I chose to leave. I went from a supervisor who hated me to now the office manager who hates me. She's up my butt about any little things I do, but I have a great supervisor who is cool and actually treats me with respect. I hate my job now and I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave even though 1/21 will be my 8th year with the company. I just can't stand it anymore. For the last 2 days I've sat in my corner and cried. My drive home I cry. Thank god I sit in a corner facing the corner so no one can see me. I answer the phone trying not to let my voice waiver. I'm afraid of being fired or let go everyday and I'm the breadwinner in my family. If I lose my job or have to find another job we're totally screwed. There is absolutely nothing I can do at all to help this situation. If I tell anyone nothing but worse things will happen and I know the manager will wedge herself further up my butt until she's sitting on my tongue. I'm not a perfect person, but I'm living with cancer. I get up and go to work everyday even when I have to throw up on 93 in rush-hour traffic, when I have to throw up in the nasty bathroom 3 or 4 times a day. I went through 16 weeks of Chemo where I went twice a week for a shot in my spine, ended up with a spinal infection then had to have them in my hip and I still went to work everyday and did my best without complaint, without anyone noticing anything was wrong. I can't hide my pain anymore. I can't stop the tears from coming to my eyes anymore. I have so much to cry about and I don't. I cry about work... not about the fact I have to have radiation 5 times a day on my stomach because I had a tumor the size of a golf ball growing on the bottom half of it. Or about the fact my life is simply falling apart in the love department, or about the bills that are piling up because I chose a man who cannot seem to get off his lazy butt to help out. That to me is what I should be crying over, not a job I actually like doing. I don't even mind the 2 hour traffic I sit in everyday. But how can I go on when I have someone who says they don't hate me and just wants to see me succeed but takes every chance to down grade me to make me a what? stronger employee? What the heck am I going to do?

Post a Comment